I read a poem from the beautiful works of Rupi Kaur last night – oh how I love her mind. She wrote:
i woke up thinking the work was done
i would not have to practice today
gone were the moments i’d
split into tears because my past cracked open
how naive. to think it was that easy.
healing has no end point
no finish line to cross
healing is every day work
the act of dedicating the self to
surviving what happened to me
The world will make you think that what happens to you should be left behind after a certain healing period. That certain events or outcomes shouldn’t take a toll on us. Society creates boxes. Boxes for things that are considered socially traumatic and acceptable to a lifetime of healing. Then there’s boxes for the “little” things that affect us all so deeply, that the world shoves under the rug, making us feel weak. Why can’t I move on? Why is this still hurting?
It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through. It doesn’t matter what he or she has been through. We cannot compare our tragedies like we constantly compare our successes.
Life is not linear, it is a constant go round. We do not heal from one thing then move forward to the next and leave it behind. We heal every single day. Some days are easier than others, then there are days we will be reminded again, leaving us back at square one.
We never really throw our tragedies in the trash. Instead, we are finding new things to take up the space. The space of old, never forgotten, sour memories that tell us we are worthless, stupid, no good, ugly and unloved.
And often, when that space opens up again we are quick to fill it to avoid feeling the pain. We bury the pain so deep until it cannot breathe. The pain from a very “little” event that no one could possibly understand now.
But burying does not help. I’ve learned the true healing comes from understanding pain and accepting it. It’s about being present. It’s about forgiving yourself and remembering that every day as you work towards healing, you’re becoming a little stronger.
I am at this point in my life where there is very few new things happening from day to day. I feel stagnant. I feel mentally stuck. I am cautious with my movements and decisions as I await an upcoming surgery and a long recovery.
During times like this it is easy for me to circle back to little things that are always healing. I am lacking a shovel to bury. The job I lost, the friends who didn’t understand, the family members I hurt.
Sometimes it drives me crazy. It weighs me down – constantly pulling me away from motivation, inspiration, and self-love.
But the more I allow myself to be present in my healing, instead of stuffing it with depthless thoughts and worries, the more progress I make.
You cannot wait for yourself to heal. Healing is a daily labor. You, I, they, he, she – we all work on it constantly. And it’s OK. Whatever pain you are healing from, know that it’s acceptable. It is natural. It is good. You are normal. You are a little stronger every day for it.