I am walking around in a crowded room smiling, laughing and talking with others. Those who know me think I must be feeling really well tonight, others assume I am just like them.
I am walking around in a crowded room smiling, laughing and talking with others. The distraction is nice, but the physical effort is tiring. A self-taught master at being present with others, yet deep in the back of my mind at the same time. I’m trying to hold the conversation for longer because I am really interested in what this person is saying, but a voice in my head urges that I’m reaching the limit. I need a break, a moment. I step away to find a stall in the bathroom and feel the rush of pain, which has slowly grown stronger throughout the evening. I give myself a few breaths and return to the crowd. Clenching my body in places others cannot see, I reach for a seat, smile and get lost in the next conversation. There are so many people here, but somehow, I am so alone.
Even so, it’s a wonderful night.
Stanley Park Rose Garden, BC